It’s my birthday!

That is all.

Current Mood: Angry & Confused

In my life, I’ve had my share of relationships and in most of them, they all ended bad. Either they were killed or we got into a huge argument over nothing. Months go by and I don’t talk or see this person and out the blue they call me or text me and tell me how great of a woman I am and how they shouldn’t have let me go. That they now realize how good a person, how good of a friend, how good of a woman I am to them. How I’m always there by their side, always have their back no matter what. Quite frankly, I’m tired of this happening. Yes, it’s good for someone to tell you, you’re a great woman and all of that but, why can’t these men see it when we’re together. They realize this shit after the fact, after I’ve moved on and don’t give two shits about them. The men I’ve dated are good men but they want you and 10 other females, for what, who fucking knows?! They want the good woman, the one they can take home to meet their parents/family and they keep the other 10 females around so they can brag to their boys or whatever b/c they don’t care about them much, hell, now that I think about it, they don’t care much about me either if they have to have them. -sighs- Men just confuse the hell out of me. I want to be with someone who knows what they have when they have me.

UPDATE
Ok, I realized I need to clarify something that Jane brought to my attention. When I meant by good men are: have a good job, nice future ahead of them, good personality. The being unfaithful part is the reason why we’re aren’t together anymore and will never be together. I will remain friends with them though, just a relationship is not our thing.

The last couple of days I’ve been getting my schedule together for the Fall 08 semester. I’m only taking two classes this time because I can’t afford a full schedule but I will in Spring 09. I’m thinking about taking Economics and Accounting, I’m going to for my Bachelor’s in Business Management. I only have 1 1/2 to 2 years left. If I stay dedicated and focused I’ll have my degree in no time. I would’ve had my degree last year but a few circumstances in my life prevented that but, hey, at least I’m still in school, right?

I wish we had more young black men in college instead of running the streets “trying” to be thugs/gangsters or whatever they call themselves these days. A lot of the younger males try to follow what they see on TV and it’s very sad if you ask me. Not everybody can be a rapper/singer/actor and most of these celebrities have degrees but don’t let it be known. But there’s a lot of men out there who feel they are too pretty to work certain places because they don’t want to get dirty. Hell, I work for UPS and I get dirty all the time, that’s why I come home and take, what they call in my country, a shower! And, yes, my country is the same as yours, USA! I try my best to encourage my little brothers and my high school guy friends to not give up and that the light is at the end of the tunnel. College is hard but it has a greater reward at the end, a degree can open up so many doors. I know for me, I’m a part time supervisor but, when I get my degree my opportunities are endless.

Wow, it’s 615 AM and I’m up for no apparent reason at all. Okay, let me go back to dream land where I was being chased by Orlando Bloom on the beach TA TA

Oh, by the way my birthday is August 15th, 14 more days, I’ll be 23! YAY ME

I woke up this morning very very happy, not sure why though. I jumped out of bed at 8:34 am to be exact, getting ready to fix breakfast for the grandparents: french toast, bacon, and eggs. I hope the rest of my day goes well b/c the last couple of days I’ve been very pissed off. But, like I tell others: it’s better to be pissed off then pissed on. I hate when my supervisor tell me I can have a day off then that day they call me in to work. That shit pisses me off to no end. But today I’m off and I’m not answering my phone for no one. Speaking of phones, I might go get the IPhone today. I had it when it first came out and didn’t like it too much but now they did some updates on it and I think I will go get it again, this time keep it. Ok I’m rambling. I’ll post something a little more interesting in a few days I imagine.

TA TA

Ok so I’m at work eating lunch with my supervisor when I get a call from Tony. Tony is the dude I was talking about below about having me and another girl. So anyway, I looked at the phone with disgust, he needed a “favor” AND he’s right outside my job in the parking lot. He needed me to ship a package for him, no big deal. I ship the package and he’s talking to me like nothing has happened between us. I hadn’t talked to dude in a month. The reason why I’m writing this is because I hate when people do this. Not just men, females do it too. Something fucked up or funny happens between us, time passes by and I’m just supposed to forget about it when I see you 2346096906 days later. I’m not saying I hold grudges but once I’m done with you, THATS IT! You only get one chance with me and once you fuck it up, too bad. I hate smiling motherfuckers in my face, I know it’s hurting them to smile b/c I know they don’t like me either. I do not like fake people, that’s one reason why I’m so antisocial. Some people suck goose balls. I hate when fucking imbeciles try to walk their dumbasses back into my life. UGH, I hope his car breaks down on some train tracks!

*UPDATE JULY 12, 2008*

I added new pics to Flickr.

First, I want to say thank you to all of you for keeping my granny in your prayers. It’s greatly appreciated. She’s doing a little better, I got her a few games for her laptop so it keeps her busy.

For the past several months, I cannot seem to get any sleep at all. I can go to sleep easily but I cannot stay asleep. I worry too much and that’s probably my biggest problem, I worry about work situations, relationship problems, and all types of things. I take Tylenol PM or Excedrin PM but even with that I can’t stay sleep. Maybe I’ll go talk to my doctor and see what they can tell me. Probably nothing.

I’m so glad it’s the weekend, I can sit at home all day and do absolutely nothing. More than likely I’m going to go visit my friend and goddaughter, probably play Life and Monopoly and watch a few movies. Nothing spectacular.

The lamest thing happened to me the other day at the mall, some fool came up to me and said, “Hey I’ve seen you on Myspace, I’ve sent you several friend request and you keep denying me. What’s up with that?!” I’m like WHOA! This is lame and kinda scary b/c dude had that stalkerish vibe to him. I know myspace, facebook, and all those other sites are supposed to be for entertainment purposes (I’ve meant some really cool people) and to keep in contact with old friends and whatnot but that was ridiculous. So I basically just told him politely that I only use myspace for family and close friends and I apologized (even though I didn’t mean it). If I have another encounter like that I might consider deleting them. Have any of you experienced anything like that before?

Last weekend was very busy for me. My friend had her baby, Madeline Elizabeth, on July 1st. I’m very excited because she picked me to be her Godmother. I posted a pic of her on Flickr. Well she had a C-section so this weekend I spent my time over there helping her and helping with the baby and I got to thinking: would anyone be that kind to me? I mean it’s the 4th of July weekend, my family was in town and my other friends were asking me to go out and have fun but I knew in my heart my friend needed someone there with her. I’m not sure if anybody would have done that for me. I think that’s just the way God made me, to be very caring and to put others before myself.

I also received some troublesome news yesterday, my grandmother’s heart is enlarged. She got depressed and she’s very scared. So I’m being strong for her but I’m scared myself. My grandmother is like my mother, she raised me since I was 6 months old. I’m not sure what I would if I lost my grandmother, she’s my rock.

Well, I’m at work so let me get back to doing just that. TA TA

Despite feeling the way I felt for the past week or so, I had a fantabulous time this past weekend. I went to the casino with my supervisor =\ lol. We got there at 10:30 pm and didn’t leave until 5:00 am. We played BlackJack all night! I only spent $20 and came home with $50 so I didn’t lose any money at all. I always make sure I come home with something. So, I came home at 5 am went to bed at 6 am and woke up at 7:36 am because I had to work Saturday morning UGH! I got off at 1:00 pm and went STRAIGHT to bed. Then later on that day my cousin from Baton Rouge wanted to go to the club, they were having a VIP Party and she wanted to “find her a thug” =\. So, I got all dressed up and went. I had a good time actually, even though, I dislike being around a whole lot of people. I didn’t get home Saturday until 4:00 am, SMH. Sunday was my chill day, I did absolutely NOTHING at all.

This week should be rather short for me, I’m off Thursday through Saturday :). I might be going to another party this weekend for the 4th, but not sure as of yet.

Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t so distant and anti-social and I had a few more female friends to hang out with. Most of my friends are males b/c they tend to have a lot less drama going on. Females tend to get on my nerves after a while and I cut them off. I’m going to start going out more and meeting new people (positive people, that is).

Well, you all have a great holiday and be safe.

Finally it’s Friday!!! Thank God! It has been an incredibly long week for me and it seems I’m going to have an even longer weekend. I have to drive my folks to Lake Charles for a funeral, which I’m not too happy about. But today I’m going to the casino to spend a lil money, about $40 then, I call it a wrap. After I come back from the funeral I plan on going to the movies to see Wanted with a good friend of mine.

I’ve still been feeling down since my last post. I don’t know why I let things bother me so much. In my high school days, I was able to let people go and go on about my business. But as of lately I’ve been real emotional and my feelings get hurt easily. I don’t cry or anything, it’s very hard for me to cry. But, I get real down and out and I don’t feel like doing anything at all. This all started after I was raped I believe. So, now I’m getting real personal.

I was 20 years old and a virgin. Something very precious was taken from me, that’ll I’ll NEVER get back. Maybe I should go to counseling or something to deal with this matter but I’m afraid they’ll try to medicate me or w/e. -Sighs- When I was 17 years old, I had my life planned out so beautifully but a few incidents changed all that and I feel so lost in this world. I’m going to keep faith in God, maybe He has something good for me :).